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6/28/18

Reflections


I wish my dad were still alive. 

As it is, all I can do is ensure I am always there for my child...in the physical, mental and emotional. And if God forbid my time should come early, at least she could hopefully know I always cared and always loved her, no matter what. 

And when I write 'no matter what,' I mean, the very worst she could be and I would still love her and be there for her... I would love her if she were in prison, strung out on drugs, binge drinking in a bar somewhere...I would go and pick her up 10,000 times in a row and still love her. I would question  where -I- went wrong as her parent. I would expect myself to have given her the knowledge that Jesus loves her no matter what, and I love her no matter what. I would hope for her to have a happy, safe, beautiful life... but we just don't ever really know, do we? 

I want her to be happy within herself, even in her darkest hour, that she can still find strength from God and love from herself. I want her to just know she is loved and accepted.... 

Because hurt may come to her, because life will probably seem utterly hopeless sometimes, and because I am the one who gave her life and (selfishly) made her come into this world-it's my responsibility to help get her through it safely, until she's 40+, if she'll have me. 

I don't fit in this life...I don't understand this world we live in... I am literally 'in the world but not of it...'

I suppose my struggles make me stronger, remember my Creator, and keep me humbled...

So my goals for the rest of my days:
Love God with all my heart, mind and soul. 
Be a good mom and wife. 
Be a good counselor to little kids. 
Be a good person to those I am in contact with.
Love my neighbor, and try to get thru this life sanely. 

And really, at the end of our '80ish' years on this planet....
Who cares so much about money, homes, furniture, cars, fans, status, making "it," when you have only yourself to take with you to Heaven... or the other place. 

I will always fight to keep safe. I will never let anyone stand in the way of my dreams. My dreams are get to Heaven-in tact and in worship of my Creator, no matter what this Earthly life brings against me.

I praise God for making it 36 years safely... I pray my next 36 are safe. Oh my goodness. 







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