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Would I Ever Get Remarried? Probably Not.

When I was growing up, my parents got a divorce when I was 6, my mom tells me it was mostly due to my dad's drinking alcohol and them fighting.

He died on a Thursday and I had to go back to school the following Monday. I was 14.

I remember for many years during church or family functions, comments would be made to my mother about things like, "When do you think you'll get remarried?" or "been dating anyone special?"

I didn't really think much of her being asked things like this because I grew up learning from Disney movies the "value" of "being married" and finding a husband. All of my Barbies wanted a husband, a someone special. I'd been dreaming of having my own family and children since I was a young girl playing dress-up and dolls.

It wasn't until I was 30 years old, my daughter was just turning 2, and my husband left town for two weeks for work training that I found the realization of what life would be truly like without him.

It gave me so much more empathy for my mom.

Everything she went through was alone, but she never gave up on us. She never gave up hope and she never left us, abused us, or let anyone into our lives who would abuse us.

Why were people so quick to ask about her marital status instead of how life really was or the issues in the world that actually matter?

During the two weeks my husband was away, I started to realize how truly lonely it is for single moms. My mom was a single mom, but I never thought she was "lonely"-- she has us!!! Now I realize, it must've been extremely lonely for her. How did she stay sane?

While my husband was gone it was very lonely at nighttime. It was scary imagining what I would do if some crazy were to break in. It was awful to imagine what I would do if a pipe burst or leak started somewhere or I needed car help with a large insect or....

Anyhow. I'm not saying things could change and one never knows what might happen, but, I already know in my heart and mind I would just surrender my life to God and go about the rest of my days serving Him and helping children, if I were to ever end up single..

I can't imagine starting over. I can't imagine going to another wedding, another anything...

This is it for me. Just like my mom, I don't think I ever could remarry.